Attract Women Q&A Confusion…?

QUESTION FROM A READER:

Hey Carlos,

I’d like to start off this email by expressing my respect and gratitude for the time and effort you put in to helping guys with women….and getting them results.

I generally have no problem attracting women….when I can be bothered to put in the effort. I have no problem with self esteem and am fairly self confident in most situations.

However I’m confused?!?!?

From the letters I have received from you, you tell guys to be “cocky & funny”, act disinterested, tease, etc…in order to attract women. And Im definitely not disagreeing with you…but here’s the confusing part…you also tell us a great way to meet women, perhaps the best way, is to expand your social circle; on which I also agree with you.

BUT, in order to expand your social circle you need to make friends, in order to make friends you have to be interested in people, you have to be a great communicator, basically you have to go against almost all the things you tell us to do to attract women.

Where do we draw the line??

Do we have to be two-faced and act differently around different people??

Maybe I’m looking at it the wrong way and there’s a clearcut answer that I’m not seeing. Either way I’m confused and your ideas or solutions would be greatly appreciated.

Thx in advance,

Dan

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ANSWER:

You’re mistaking “two faced” with “socially flexible.”

There’s nothing wrong with holding two conflicting ideas in the mind at once and being fine with that. Being a great communicator does not mean that you’re dealing with people on this idealistic and pure level. The best communicators know how to leverage human nature (and attraction principles) into their communication. Watch Bill Clinton work a room (or just read about his charisma.) He does it on a very effective level that is attraction-based.

Remember that social dynamics are not all black & white, or set in stone. You have to have an element of contradiction in your personality to make you interesting. (Hell, women are like this 24/7!)

You never act ONLY one way to people. We have a social mask that is dynamic and shifting.

You’re going to have to understand that friendship is not about ignoring human nature.

Which of your friends tends to come up in your mind the most, the one you see all the time, or the one you’ve been trying to get together with but something keeps coming up…?

Scarcity commands our attention.

Just don’t use it for manipulative ends.